I have a wonderful, bright, 6 ft 1 in., sandy blond, blue eyed, lanky 17 year old.. I'll never forget his preteen years, they were awful. He was picked on, bullied and pretty much treated differently from all the kids it seemed, through elementary school and the beginning of middle school. (This played into my decision to home school him, but I'll save more of that for another day.) There were a few that he got along with, but it wasn't until a couple of years ago that he really found his one true best friend. They have their days where it's just not a good hang out day, but they have each others back for sure.
He has other friends that he's witnessed making some really poor decisions of late. However, I'm hopeful and thankful that he appears to be learning what not to do by watching these young men and women make decisions that will affect them for the rest of their lives. They just appear to be thinking of the moment and their lives now and not able to picture the future. You know, like when they say some bad words or something disparaging on Face Book, it's there forever, but they don't believe that. They unfortunately are finding out that life is not all fun and games. I've talked to my son and I feel that he is on the right path. He's got a plan now, at least one that he thinks he wants to pursue and I'll do everything within my power to help him achieve it. I won't always be able to help him, nor will I always be willing, because he needs to be independent, but I want him to be happy and do what makes him happy. Isn't that all that we ever want for our children? Besides, I'm sure he'll change his mind about his career path, but for now it is set or so it seems.
Anyway, my heart is heavy, because when my son was a tween, going through puberty, being in that awkward stage of life, when the other kids thought it was funny to hide his bike or skateboard, just to see him get mad, pick on him (which he hated - he thought they didn't like him, and we could never sway him to believe the opposite, it was tough), etc.... Kids are really mean and in today's society it seems even worse, because it is so easy to put it out there for EVERYONE to see, just because all kids have cell phones, i-Pods and i-Pads these days. One bad shot or click and their lives seemed to be ruined forever. Anyway, I was always fearful for my son in those days. He was never happy and we could tell he was going through a bit of depression, it was just that time of life. I see his brother going through it now. All I feel I can do, besides be a parent, hold them accountable for their actions, love them unconditionally, is help to guide them and let them know that they are loved.
Unfortunately, what brought on all these emotions, is a young man (12) just a year older than my soon to be tween, felt that it was necessary to take his own life yesterday. He was my neighbor's (a very good friend of mine) son's best friend. My friend's husband is a good friend of his father. The father was an only parent, for reasons I don't know, nor am I interested in knowing. Whatever the reason, having been raised by a single parent for the most of my childhood, I'm sure he has struggled over the years, it's never easy. I'm sure he is just devastated and lonely at the thought that he couldn't help his son. I know when my oldest went through this stage in his life, it was difficult for me and I had help. That's why this saddens me so, for a child that young to think that there is no other out. I don't know all the particulars of his life other than what my friend has enlightened me to, but still you have to wonder. I can't help but wonder if it was other kids that made him feel worthless, like my son felt from his peers. All he ever wanted was a friend and I never gave up hope that some day, my son would find that friend and confidant that he so desperately needed outside of our home. We all need friends, luckily I'm married to my best friend, but I do have great girlfriends too, like my neighbor, who is feeling so heartfelt for her son and husband's friend today. I just pray that I can make my son's strong enough to know that when it seems like no one else cares or loves them that I'll, well we'll, love them unconditionally and that God loves them even more than we ever can or could.
Update: 02/22/12 Found out yesterday that Alex's death was probably an accident, not intentional! Although that still leaves me with a heavy heart, I do find it a bit more comforting and I hope you do to. It still brought back feelings for me from when my son was that age and the cruelty that kids can do. Words do hurt and I'm guilty of using them for that purpose. I think we all do that. It's quite the challenge to stop and think before you speak, but it's a great exercise in control, something I try to work on everyday. Blessings!
He has other friends that he's witnessed making some really poor decisions of late. However, I'm hopeful and thankful that he appears to be learning what not to do by watching these young men and women make decisions that will affect them for the rest of their lives. They just appear to be thinking of the moment and their lives now and not able to picture the future. You know, like when they say some bad words or something disparaging on Face Book, it's there forever, but they don't believe that. They unfortunately are finding out that life is not all fun and games. I've talked to my son and I feel that he is on the right path. He's got a plan now, at least one that he thinks he wants to pursue and I'll do everything within my power to help him achieve it. I won't always be able to help him, nor will I always be willing, because he needs to be independent, but I want him to be happy and do what makes him happy. Isn't that all that we ever want for our children? Besides, I'm sure he'll change his mind about his career path, but for now it is set or so it seems.
Anyway, my heart is heavy, because when my son was a tween, going through puberty, being in that awkward stage of life, when the other kids thought it was funny to hide his bike or skateboard, just to see him get mad, pick on him (which he hated - he thought they didn't like him, and we could never sway him to believe the opposite, it was tough), etc.... Kids are really mean and in today's society it seems even worse, because it is so easy to put it out there for EVERYONE to see, just because all kids have cell phones, i-Pods and i-Pads these days. One bad shot or click and their lives seemed to be ruined forever. Anyway, I was always fearful for my son in those days. He was never happy and we could tell he was going through a bit of depression, it was just that time of life. I see his brother going through it now. All I feel I can do, besides be a parent, hold them accountable for their actions, love them unconditionally, is help to guide them and let them know that they are loved.
Unfortunately, what brought on all these emotions, is a young man (12) just a year older than my soon to be tween, felt that it was necessary to take his own life yesterday. He was my neighbor's (a very good friend of mine) son's best friend. My friend's husband is a good friend of his father. The father was an only parent, for reasons I don't know, nor am I interested in knowing. Whatever the reason, having been raised by a single parent for the most of my childhood, I'm sure he has struggled over the years, it's never easy. I'm sure he is just devastated and lonely at the thought that he couldn't help his son. I know when my oldest went through this stage in his life, it was difficult for me and I had help. That's why this saddens me so, for a child that young to think that there is no other out. I don't know all the particulars of his life other than what my friend has enlightened me to, but still you have to wonder. I can't help but wonder if it was other kids that made him feel worthless, like my son felt from his peers. All he ever wanted was a friend and I never gave up hope that some day, my son would find that friend and confidant that he so desperately needed outside of our home. We all need friends, luckily I'm married to my best friend, but I do have great girlfriends too, like my neighbor, who is feeling so heartfelt for her son and husband's friend today. I just pray that I can make my son's strong enough to know that when it seems like no one else cares or loves them that I'll, well we'll, love them unconditionally and that God loves them even more than we ever can or could.
Update: 02/22/12 Found out yesterday that Alex's death was probably an accident, not intentional! Although that still leaves me with a heavy heart, I do find it a bit more comforting and I hope you do to. It still brought back feelings for me from when my son was that age and the cruelty that kids can do. Words do hurt and I'm guilty of using them for that purpose. I think we all do that. It's quite the challenge to stop and think before you speak, but it's a great exercise in control, something I try to work on everyday. Blessings!
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